Dear Friends and the Like,

Here it is the holidays and once again I will be performing my small music/comedy extravaganza in Sean Altman's large music/comedy extravaganza, the famed Jewmongous. I will join the always sold-out East Coast tour in Philly, D.C. and New York and hope that any or all of you in the general vicinities of those cities will come spend a couple of hours laughing with us but not singing along because we don't like that.

There is alcohol available at all venues, which I would recommended. There is food as well, but that's up to you. Eat, don't eat, I don't care.

Happy Obama,

Cindy Kaplan/Cynthia Kaplan (for those of you who still don't realize we are the same person.)

The schedule follows:

Tue. Dec. 23, '08
World Cafe Live
Philadelphia, PA
215-222-1400, $20 advance, $23 day of show, save $2 on advance *cash* tix, 7:30pm (doors 7pm), 3025 Walnut St. Tickets click here.. With guest Cindy Kaplan.

Wed. Dec. 24, '08
Jammin' Java
Vienna, VA
703.255.1566, $17.00 advance / $20.00 day of show, 6pm doors, 7pm show, 227 Maple Ave East / 22180. Christmas Eve with the tribe! With guest Cindy Kaplan.

Fri. Dec. 26, '08
The Cutting Room
New York, NY
(212) 691-1900, tix $20, 7:30pm & 9:30pm (doors 7pm and 9pm), 19 West 24th St btw Broadway & 6th Ave. With guests Cindy Kaplan and Tammy Faye Starlite.

Prudish Parental Advisory: Due to adult themes and language, JEWMONGOUS is not recommended for children under 13 unless you're raising them to be sailors.

Big news! The paperback version of Leave the Building Quickly has come out and is available at your local bookseller or from your favorite web bookseller. It is a very good paperback, if I may say so, and I may.

Big-ish news! I will be reading from said paperback at the wondrous and hip Happy Ending Reading Series on Wednesday, May 28th at 8:00 p.m. There will be other fine authors and music and alcohol--everything you could possibly want on a Wednesday night. Of course, if you're looking for a hook-up, you're on your own. But you might want to come down anyway. I have some excellent single friends. And sometimes, I...oh, never mind.

Here are the details:

HAPPY ENDING BAR
302 Broome St.
Between Forsyth and Eldridge

SHOW STARTS AT 8pm

DOORS OPEN AT 7pm

The bar has a pink awning and says "health club" on it. HE is stenciled on the front door.

J,M,Z,F to Delancey
B,D to Grand St

Go Democrats!

Also, coming soon: Confessions of Cap'n Scruffy. Don't ask.

First, let us sing praises to our friends the Floridians for dashing Rudy Giuliani's dictator dreams. TRA LA LA! And let us say a fond and sorry farewell to the Good Man of South Carolina, John Edwards, who deserves our thanks and praise for fighting the good fight.

And now, of course, back to me. My essay "Some Friendly Advice For the Man of the House" is currently being featured on the excellent website, www.smartmandaily.com, or if you can't parse that, Smart Man Daily. It is under the clever new title "Meet the Widow (Yours)" Smart Man Daily, I might add, is a fine resource/way to pleasurably kill some time for all smart men and smart-ish men who would like to be smarter. The site presents original pieces and also brings together the best of what's out there on the web.

Finally, to those who caught this year's Jewmongous Tour--it may have been the best ever, with sold out shows up (and down) the East Coast. And Chicago! Thanks for coming out. Sean Altman's excellent comedy album, Taller than Jesus, can be purchased on iTunes (I say that but don't know if it is true) and at jewmongous.com.

My comedy album cannot be purchased because it does not exist. Yet. Except for that little Live at the Knitting Factory CD that some of you have. Hold on to them--they're very rare. Or you can listen to some stuff for free on my Audiophile page. Just like Radiohead.

Happy December. I know I have been very lax about keeping up with current events but, you know, busy busy busy. Doing lots of Stuff. And many time-consuming Things. I've toured the country with my new book, Leave the Building Quickly, which is available at your local bookseller or here. The Detroit-Milwaukee-Cincinnati leg was particularly glamorous.

I've been gearing up for the big Jewmongous Tour. Lots of comedy and music coming your way. I'll be performing along with a whole gang of funny, tuneful people in cities such as New York, Philadelphia, Teaneck (Teaneck!), Annapolis, D.C., Ann Arbor, Chicago. For dates and times click here or go to my Comedy/Music page.

And don't forget to support your local Democrat. Or kick a Republican in the shin. Your choice. Read my latest Huffington Post diatribe, The Bootstrap Defense by clicking here. If you want. No pressure. It's not like I'll know.

Question of the season: Why are there no Jews in Whoville?

Yes, it has been too long since my last entry, but there has not been a lot of breaking news. With regard to me, that is. With regard to other things, well, I heard lately that some people tried, once again, and failed, once again, to remove George Bush's head from Dicky Cheney's ass. As we know, it has been lodged there for some time.

On a lighter note, I will be appearing with the wonderful Mike Albo and the delightful Alix Strauss on Tuesday, July 24th, at the restaurant Agave, on Seventh Avenue at 10th Street. We will each read from our books while you drink. Five buckeroos gets you your first margarita and free chips and dip and maybe an olive or two. This will be a jolly, possibly raucous affair and all are welcome. The details are as follows:

AGAVE PRESENTS:

CYNTHIA KAPLAN, ALIX STRAUSS, and MIKE ALBO

Telephone: 212.989.2100

First Huffington Post post has been posted. Don't say anything about the multiple use of the word post. I don't want to hear it. The piece is called Conflation Nation and is about the new Creation Museum in Kentucky. If hearing about the Creation Museum in the news has not already caused your head to explode, go now and read my post.

Also, Tomorrow night: Reading (my book, by me) at Barnes & Noble @ 6th Ave. and 8th St. 7:30 p.m. Tix 0$. You don't know this but some B&Ns charge for readings. Really. Mine won't. Totally free.

Today I am formally launching this website, cynthiakaplan.com, the purpose of which is to promote my books, and whatnot, and express what’s on my mind, like, for example, "Let’s Go Mets!" or "John McCain is on 'shrooms" (don’t quote me, that's just a theory), as well as post essays and stories for you to read and spoken word stuff and music for you to listen to.

My newest book, Leave the Building Quickly, has just come out in hardcover, and can be purchased at any major chain or independent book store, or on line, or click on Books. My oldest book, Why I'm Like This, can also be found here, or somewhere else. Your call. I have no middle book.

In case you need encouragement, click on Reviews.

For those who enjoy live book events, I'll be reading from Leave the Building Quickly in New York City on June 7th and June 20th. Click on Tour/Readings for time and place. There will be alcohol served on the 20th; BYOB on the 7th.

Also, it looks like I'll be blogging for The Huffington Post (who isn't?). My aim is to get on Bill Maher's show some time in the next decade.

Anyway, welcome friends. Feel free to write me—click on Contact—or email me at writetokaplan@gmail.com. Or don't. Life's short.

More soon.